What is Confidence? How the heck do I get this elusive quality? :)

So lately I've been thinking a lot about confidence. I've been told several times in my life and by several people that I need to be more confident in myself. And it's true, it's something I've been striving to be better at for some time, and I feel now that I'm finally beginning to understand what they mean, when they say I need to be more confident. Now, usually it's my friends or family telling this to me in relation to dating, and I would get so frustrated with them telling me this because honestly, I do have a high opinion of myself, and so I didn't know how to correct this deficit that they were seeing in me! I kept thinking, what more can I do? What more can I be to portray this confidence? How do I become more confident?

That questioning just led to more stress and feelings of inadequacy, because I couldn't figure out a solution.

Warning: if you don't want to read about someone going on about how amazing they are, please skip this entire paragraph. :)

Now, I'm going to be completely honest, I do know I am a great person; I work hard, and I'm striving to become better and care about others. I know that I have a lot of great qualities, for example, okay, why are you still reading this? YOU were supposed to skip through this section so you didn't actually see that I'm just writing as much as possible so that it looks like I have an extremely high opinion of myself! I'm really laid back and accepting and kind towards others. The simple things in life can make me extremely happy, like a sunny day, or a smile, or playing a silly game of cards, or even a pillow fight! I love people, and try to make others feel welcome. I feel that I'm very discerning and understanding of people. I have strong morals and live by them and have a great understanding of who I am, and what the gospel is about; that it's truly about Jesus Christ atoning for our sins, that we can be clean and live with him again. I think I'm a pretty fun person to be around, most of the time. ;) Seriously, why are you still reading this section, it's the most boring part of this post, there's so much more meaningful words later on. ;) I mean, I'm hilarious! I also know that I have a lot of pride, and I can become bitter easily, and fearful of meeting new people. I am sensitive and take things too personally sometimes. I feel that I am intelligent, but sometimes that leads me to thinking I'm better than others, or above the pettiness of what is popular. Let's just say I'm a complicated woman, and I can get a little moody. :) This is where I'm trying to show my humility. Haha! But we all have our flaws, no one's perfect, I understand and accept that about myself, most of the time. I am extremely lucky in this life. I have a loving family, and wonderful friends who I'm so grateful for. I'm healthy, and I work hard to accomplish what I want in this life. I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders and it's so important to me to strive to live my dreams and not just sit around being afraid to try for what I want out of life! So, yeah, I'm pretty much awesome! :) Ok, moving on... I feel that was sufficiently long enough...

Obviously I shouldn't be having a problem with confidence! Do you see how long that paragraph is! And I could go on! :) I know that I have a lot of worth! But what is it really that I'm lacking then? What is confidence in the first place? How do you show it? I 've often wondered about this elusive quality and I'm realizing that being confident isn't just having a good opinion of yourself. And this post really shouldn't be about me at all, or at least it shouldn't if I can get my thoughts out clearly.

Being confident is about having the courage to reach out to others, to share your qualities and love with those around you. It's being comfortable with yourself, and what you have to offer to others, and knowing that what you can offer is enough! Confidence is the ability to overcome your fears, and let others in, so it's really not about you! It's about sharing what you have with those around yourself! This is what I was lacking a few years back...I feel I'm doing better at letting others see who I really am, but it's still hard! Some days I can reach out and meet others with a smile of friendship other days I struggle a little more with my fears, I hold back. But I think this leads to another point. And this is the "material point". (Note the Jane Austen reference.)


The confidence we really need to have is in the Lord. He needs to be our foundation, of strength. We should gain strength in knowing that we are good enough, because of the atonement! That through Christ's sacrifice, we can be made into instruments to help others, if we can get over ourselves and have humility. So I think the real problem isn't that I need to have confidence in myself, but that I need to be humble enough to realize that I need confidence in the Lord! That he will heal me and help me to have an open heart, one that is willing to reach out to those around me, to those that might be struggling. Once we have the love of our Savior in our hearts we won't hesitate to strive to share with others, to reach out, accept them, and befriend them. We will be confident in that we are enough and we can reach out and help others to have happiness in this life!

In our relief society lesson this Sunday our teacher told about this 90 year old man who her brother and parents met in the temple right before her brother left on his mission. She told of how this old man has been writing her brother and mother letters for almost 2 years now! She showed us a handmade envelope, (out of newspaper) with a letter that was 2 entire pages, printed! The effort that this man, a stranger, took to reach out and offer himself as a friend is astounding to me! He took the time to truly care and to give advice and comfort to a young man he didn't even know. This just touched my heart so much, I can't imagine the life this elderly man has lived, he has such wisdom, and knowledge, has probably endured so much in his lifetime, and he was willing to take the time...to give of himself. Why are we so afraid to let people in? I know I am sometimes. But through trusting in the Lord, we can have the confidence we need to reach out to others and offer what we can to help lift those around us.

So after all this, I need to back track a little bit. Yes...I do need to be more confident...not in myself- that's really just pride, but in the Lord! That he will give me the courage to reach out, help others, and create loving friendships and relationships in this life. Cause that is really what the Savior taught when he was here on the Earth, he taught us to love one another, and as cheesy as that sounds, it's completely true!